First, let's start off by saying a very important thing. This is not calling out anyone in particular(in fact, it even applies to stuff I've made a mistake on).
Second, for various reasons I am not allowing Readers to comment on here because it's more about reading and learning.
Lastly, keep in mind this is still an opinion piece.
I will start off with something very notable; comfort zones. Let's be real. You've accidentally invaded one or was on the receiving of an inappropriate message. Do not fret. These things happen. It's important that you deal with this appropriately(the irony is apt here).
- Remember. You are entirely justified in being angry etc. at someone for telling you something they don't want to hear. That doesn't mean you should be actually mean towards another user.
- This also goes in hand with general rudeness and honesty. If somebody makes you feel uncomfortable, absolutely let them know! Just be honest about it. A common phrase is "I don't mean to be rude, but" has come up before on average. The thing is? Yes, you do you mean to be rude. Don't pretend to be nice. Either say it bluntly or just be honest on how it makes you feel.
- The next bit goes on the other way. Don't assume how someone else feels. At least try to ask first. People make mistakes, and that can include taking things too far, whether you meant to or not. Nobody is perfect. Learn from them.
- Finally, try to at least talk it out with honesty and respect towards each other.
The next thing to mention is the "Silent Treatment", as it were. We all know some people just... leave places. Or, they may talk about things in private about another user, due to issues that happen. For the former, sometimes they don't want to say anything. You shouldn't assume why, but 99% of the time it's in good faith overall. That doesn't mean they shouldn't have said something, but it's not meant to cause trouble. For the latter, everyone makes mistakes. As places grow, experience require new rules. But the most important thing, is that if a person is basically responsible for a new rule, at least talk to them about it.
- For more clarity, something to remember if a person leaves a server, removes you as a friend, or even stops following you. Whatever situation that is similar. Maybe they stop talking to you. You don't know the reason. If you aren't asking, then you should just assume they likely don't want to be around you anymore, but that doesn't actually say "malicious intent", but quite the opposite. The only time it's pretty clear they are tired of you in every plausible way is if they Block You. No matter where. That's the clear hint it's based around maliciousness. Just don't be silent.
- This also goes hand in hand with assumptions. Don't assume bad faith. It's not reasonable and only shows a case of basically a darker intent in general. It's not entirely malicious, but pretty close. Why would you assume bad faith? It's understandable to be unsure, and be uneasy around a person who caused issues. That's completely fair. But that's why you still have to talk.
- Lastly, as I noted above fairly well, it's not as simple as "making a new rule cause someone caused issues." By not talking to that person, you basically make them feel horrible if they weren't a troll to begin with. They don't even understand for sure what they did wrong. Or why it feels like they're being called out by without actually talking to them. It's very dishonest. That's not the way to go about it. Always communicate.
Next up is the classic "taking a Quote out of Context". Many do it. Like, come on, it's a fun joke sometimes, right? However, read the room too. If a user you misquoted for a joke tells you they don't like it, you went too far and should apologize. It doesn't matter if you thought it was funny. You made an error.
- However, also keep in mind that person being quoted can pretty easily tell the purpose behind it. It can often be a joke, but if it's a joke repeated, it's not as funny. In addition, the context matters too. These kind of things can absolutely be used as a soap box for someone's agenda. Whether it's to strength of a poor argument, or some other kind of intent. Using it as a soapbox at that point becomes outright malicious in intent. It stopped being a joke by that point.
- As noted a bit ago, not everyone is fond of this. This also means that there's an issue with how you're acting if you continue to do so. Out of Context stuff is not inherently funny. Often times it's quite the opposite and putting words into people's mouths for the sake of it. But yes, apologize, move on, and don't do it again towards said user. Others may absolutely find it funny. "It's a joke, bro." is not an excuse either.
And everyone's favorite, though covered slightly up above, emotions. The reality is, emotions aren't controllable. Do not police how someone feels. Help them, give a pat on the back(if they like that), or just listen. Sometimes people need to vent, etc. Likewise, there are times people are not going to want to listen to the contrary. This is a key point, as it means they made a decision and will stick with it.
- It's quite common to assume "they don't have a right to be angry" cause of some situation of where you're in the right under some moral condition. This is not an excuse. You don't have any right to police a person's thoughts or emotions. That doesn't mean that said emotions can be acceptable to say in public either, of course. There's a time and a place for everything.
- Rationality is another thing. If you're so angry you can't control yourself, take a step back and a break. It doesn't matter if you were wronged for any reason. Just drop it instead. Now I will say I've had anger issues too. I at most vent a bit... and realize it's better to drop it instead of attempting to discuss it in full. The reasoning being it's impossible sometimes to change someone's mind. That's okay. You can let it go. Nothing wrong with that.
- In addition, always remember what your anger leads to. If you're basically making stuff up about a person, you went too far. Do not ever justify it with anything. No. You screwed up. You are at fault for this. Basically? Conspiracy theories about people aren't justified at all. Your anger towards a person can be justified, but how you act doesn't work that way. Your specific actions are your own and can be policed, as they can easily break various rules. In addition, conspiracy theories about people have nothing behind it beyond malicious intent.
- The final notable bit here is an obsession with something. If an obsession leads to crazy talk(conspiracy theories, denying people emotions), you failed to bring up a legitimate point then. You failed miserably at creating an argument, but going so massively from emotions you lost your rationality and can't even provide evidence to these things. That's when you need to stop and not just take a break, but get some help.
This is a minor thing, but as we know, everyone has their OC's(Vtubers, etc.) and their own person. These do not overlap inherently. Technically speaking, it does mean you lead a double life and this can get confusing. But it's like with the comfort zone above. Do not assume things. Yes, some may say things as a fictional character that clearly does not apply to all in how they really feel in real life. That's okay. They aren't being dishonest. Never forget that there's two different opinions. This will not end with bullet points.
Now for a unique situation as well on how to properly display rules. We have rules for anything. Your chats, your servers, your commissions, etc. Always clarify properly. Do not rely on someone saying it out in the open. Specifically put it in said information display where everyone can read it. Likewise, don't be a hypocrite about it.
- The most common one is Self-Promotion rules. We get it. You don't want people randomly advertising. While there can be confusion between that and just having fun talking about a cool thing because they think someone will like it, make sure it's massively clear on how it works. Otherwise there's confusion and people will unintentionally break the rules. Clarity always matters, in visible format.
- Backseat Gaming is another one, though I'll cover that in a separate section later.
- How Questions and NSFW ones work. Be as specific as possible. We get it. Sometimes things get personal and you don't want to hear that. Likewise, people don't want NSFW content where they are. Jokes are completely subjective and it's best to let only the people in charge make them. They know the line better than you do. They made the line after all. If you're uncomfortable with what they said, just explain it kindly.
Now to fully get into Backseat Gaming. Let's first set it straight that there's a huge difference between an innocent tip and trying to directly tell people how they should play. Only the latter is always inappropriate, as it's basically an Elitist mindset and not reasonable.
- To start with, we've all said tips before. Your purpose is to help. No more, no less. Not everyone likes that and that's okay. Some don't want help nor need it. However, keep in mind how you specify this. If you're going to be a jerk about it, you shouldn't be gaming in the first place with other people around. That's on both ends too. Never be a jerk about a game discussion, regardless of the circumstances. Be kind and respect on all ends. If you don't want to read anything else, set your chat room to emotes only. That's fair. At least it's clear and respectful about it without ever being rude.
- This also goes with clear tagging. Make sure the tags are clear about what is acceptable. I've seen many think that it's some obvious thing. It's not. If it's not there, they have a right to ask how you feel about it because the area is unknown. Tons of people enjoy tips. Some might not use them but have no issue hearing them.
- In addition, and quite importantly, a key difference is that some people will tell you how you should play. As I said, it's an Elitist mindset. But it's not just that. Their intention is to act like you need to do what they say no matter what. These are not legitimate gameplay tips. They don't actually care about your feelings at all. Hint: Crowd Control is not an example of this.
Now for a more interesting one; poor management of your stream options. Every streamer loves to have really cool things, right? Well, there is a line to be drawn. A bit one is the ability to ban a user while you're not a Moderator or the Streamer themselves. This is just a no. Never ever allow this. You can absolutely allow someone to self-ban themselves for fun, because it's not abusable.
- This also goes hand in hand with how to handle bans. Be reasonable about the situation. If someone has a situation with a streamer, and says "Don't worry, I'll discuss it later." That means you at most say it's not appropriate to say in public. Leave it at that. Don't make drama out of it. Clearly it's not actually your business like you think it is. If an argument occurs where said user refuses to drop it, yes, they are clearly breaking rules and the one causing drama. But don't enable it by telling them something as poor as "It's over with. It was already resolved." It was not. It's fine to not allow talk on it, and completely reasonable. You don't decide when a user is done however with the situation. They do. They will end it when they feel it's properly handled. This happens a lot where users have an issue and want to bring it up, and at most, bring it up in the wrong avenue. It happens. Nobody's perfect. Don't be an abusive bully about it and try to silence others. Explain the situation and be respectful under all conditions.
- Another issue is clique behavior. You think you're funny, right? You think these jokes apply to all, right? They don't. This shows a severe sign of immaturity to even enable this kind of behavior. This is where the problem with allowing a random user to ban anyone with some "point cost" comes in too. This is abusable for bullies to create a completely hostile atmosphere and trying to drown out others for... simply thinking differently. This isn't some case where they said anything inappropriate, it's a ton of people grouping up on another person to cause them grief when it's beyond inappropriate. Any Moderator or Streamer who enables this kind of bullying behavior failed at their job hard. No, there is not an excuse.
- The final note of this is the whole "the streamer always wins" is not a legitimate thing. It never was and never will be. If people get into a debate, and you don't want to talk about it anymore. Just say so. They'll drop it. If they don't listen, they clearly aren't interested in actually following any rulers and that's the only legitimate time for action. Do not be a bully. Just be respectful about it. I've seen two similar situations happen, and only one handled it correctly by explaining the situation of what you shouldn't do and left it at that. You are rarely going to see the latter because people think it's okay to talk down to others or thinking their opinion is always winning cause they hold the most power. That's what bullying is. Hell, it's what elitism is.
Making an example out of someone. People have done it before. Like, a lot. It's absolutely inappropriate. That's not how you handle things. It's only to show power, not to actually fix things. It's done with the intent to maliciously humiliate someone.
- Never ever mention drama you had in private with another user in public. Just, no. Keep it private. You can be vague enough to say you made errors in general related to said subject. I shall note, even in this, this is not something about any particular user, even with some slightly more specific examples. Because nobody should be humiliated.
- This goes a bit with the last set of bullet points, as bullying a user and encouraging others to do the same is more or less the same thing, just with slight differences. It's so slight you can't generally tell them apart. Don't do that. It's not respectful to anyone. It's abusive behavior.
- You don't actually prove anything. It's basically just you being too insecure to to admit there's an issue and talk about it properly. You clearly want someone else to hurt because they are annoying about something. It doesn't really matter what said person did, either. You still don't make an example out of them. Let it speak for themselves. If said person does something wrong, their actions already tell the whole tale. It's fine to explain the issue, but not by using it as an example with another user. Don't compare users. Just specify what user did what and why it's bad. But a comparison? This serves no reasonable purpose.
A notable one goes back to anyy informational websites(academic or not). If you ban some kind of work, make sure a policy is in place first as to why. Talk it out properly. Do not ban stuff just because they're controversial. It has to be with consideration and for a very good reason otherwise. Likewise, a site has every right to decide a kind of work is not allowed. But it's always with discussion. At least for a new rule. Some may have already decided that as their design. Respect that.
- One of the biggest mistakes people make is assume information about any kind of work automatically means it's meant to advertise said work. This is false. It's meant to just give information. An advertising effect will happen naturally no matter what. That doesn't make it a legitimate argument in itself.
- Naturally some people will not be happy with some decisions. That's fair. You might've missed the discussion. If you want to make an argument, make it one time. Don't continue to bring it up. It stops being a legitimate counterpart you wanted to make but missed the boat and becomes a complete obsession. This is a bad thing and shows your inability to let a thing go.
- An even worse thing you can do is skirt around these issues with vandalization via bad editing to restore content that was removed. Here's the thing. It was removed for a reason. Throwing a temper tantrum is pointless. You only make things worse for everyone and yourself. It's okay to move on.
This is my longest blog, admittedly. I am aware some may not like this. Some may figure out any vague examples of what I mean. It is what it is. However, I say with great respect that everyone should be respected, assumptions should not be made, and it's always better to talk things out than try to ghost people in itself.
